Monday, January 08, 2007
People Just Don't Get it...
This thread on my expecting club message board got me all riled up this morning... like the person who started it, I too have found myself wanting to shake the people who keep posting about finding out their baby is one sex and not the other and being "DEVASTATED!!" "DISAPPOINTED!!" One woman even posted that she was AFRAID to go to her 20-week ultrasound because she was scared they'd tell her it was a second boy.
You know, I GET the wanting one over the other. With Ben, I thought I wanted a girl. And at his ultrasound, as excited as we were to see a beautiful, healthy baby, there was a moment or two of disappointment.. not for the perfect little boy we were getting, but for the little girl that would not be that I had had pictured in my mind for as long as I can remember.
But I feel SO guilty about ever feeling any of that now... so many people go through so much pain, disappointment and struggle just trying to conceive, people miscarry, people go to these ultrasounds and are told the pregnancy is ectopic and has to be ended, or they go and find out their baby has some horrible genetic defect.
Or, like me, they are just told the preganncy isn't viable and to just go home and wait out a miscarriage. What I wouldn't have given to have just seen a BABY with heartbeat that day...
And this time? I went in scared out of my mind they were going to tell me something was wrong... which is why I can truly say that I left there, not disappointed that I didn't get what I expected, or over the moon that I DID get what I expected (sorry, still not telling), but just thanking God over and over that everything was fine when there are so many things that can go wrong.
I think it's normal to get it in your head that you'd prefer one sex over the other... but to find out you are having a healthy child and be actually UPSET about it? Seriously... people need to get a grip. I'm sorry if your family didn't turn out the way YOU planned, but it did turn out the way God planned it. And in the end? Who knows better?
You know, I GET the wanting one over the other. With Ben, I thought I wanted a girl. And at his ultrasound, as excited as we were to see a beautiful, healthy baby, there was a moment or two of disappointment.. not for the perfect little boy we were getting, but for the little girl that would not be that I had had pictured in my mind for as long as I can remember.
But I feel SO guilty about ever feeling any of that now... so many people go through so much pain, disappointment and struggle just trying to conceive, people miscarry, people go to these ultrasounds and are told the pregnancy is ectopic and has to be ended, or they go and find out their baby has some horrible genetic defect.
Or, like me, they are just told the preganncy isn't viable and to just go home and wait out a miscarriage. What I wouldn't have given to have just seen a BABY with heartbeat that day...
And this time? I went in scared out of my mind they were going to tell me something was wrong... which is why I can truly say that I left there, not disappointed that I didn't get what I expected, or over the moon that I DID get what I expected (sorry, still not telling), but just thanking God over and over that everything was fine when there are so many things that can go wrong.
I think it's normal to get it in your head that you'd prefer one sex over the other... but to find out you are having a healthy child and be actually UPSET about it? Seriously... people need to get a grip. I'm sorry if your family didn't turn out the way YOU planned, but it did turn out the way God planned it. And in the end? Who knows better?
Comments:
<< Home
i am with you erin!! i think as well its one of the most anxious times, going into the first scan after having a miscarry, trying not to get your hopes up incase its another miscarry yet praying to see that little heartbeat!
how can anyone be genuinely dissapointed to have a boy instead of a girl and vice versa when 'HELLO' they have a perfectly healthy baby!
and yes, Gods way is the best way!
how can anyone be genuinely dissapointed to have a boy instead of a girl and vice versa when 'HELLO' they have a perfectly healthy baby!
and yes, Gods way is the best way!
I know what you mean. At first when we were told we were having another boy, I was excited-yet a tiny bit sad. ONLY because we thought for sure it was going to be a girl. Everyone thought so, we thought so. So when it wasnt, I had a moment of "oh". Hormones took over at the same when we got home and the thought of getting what I have always wanted..2 girls, 2 boys, and not having my other little girl really made me brake down. I think overall it was that situation that made me sad then actually having another boy. Now? the thought of another boy is exciting. They can share a room..they can be buddies..they can pick on sister ;) AND girls(especially Haley) are SO DRAMA..not sure 2 would be so fun ;) hehehe
But anyway, there is always that perspective..a friend of mine just found out she was having a boy, due in May..after saying good bye to her daughter born in March this year. They had found out she was missing most of her skull at the 20 week appt.:( she is just excited to be having another baby..and we had another friend who just found out she was having boy #4 after hoping hoping it was a girl. Everyone thought she was going to be sad..and she took it really well..because- well she was having a healthy baby. I hope that the girl who was upset on your board realizes its silly to be upset and just be happy that she is pregnant with a healthy baby and thats what she is meant to be having :)
But anyway, there is always that perspective..a friend of mine just found out she was having a boy, due in May..after saying good bye to her daughter born in March this year. They had found out she was missing most of her skull at the 20 week appt.:( she is just excited to be having another baby..and we had another friend who just found out she was having boy #4 after hoping hoping it was a girl. Everyone thought she was going to be sad..and she took it really well..because- well she was having a healthy baby. I hope that the girl who was upset on your board realizes its silly to be upset and just be happy that she is pregnant with a healthy baby and thats what she is meant to be having :)
Amen Erin! I get really upset when people get upset about gender. I think it happens with the first child too. Many people won't admit it, but I think a lot of people favor having boys first b/c of the whole carrying on the family name thing and boys are "easier" and "less expensive" stereotypes.
It drives me CRAZY!!!!!
I hate all types of gender predictors for this reason. My sister lost a baby at 20 weeks last summer b/c the baby had a terrible disease. I am just hoping for a healthy baby. I'll be happy with whomever God sends us.
It drives me CRAZY!!!!!
I hate all types of gender predictors for this reason. My sister lost a baby at 20 weeks last summer b/c the baby had a terrible disease. I am just hoping for a healthy baby. I'll be happy with whomever God sends us.
so true. . .i can relate to your anxiety about going to your u/s this time around. . .miscarrying is so sad. . .and changes one's view of pregnancy. . .i remember the pain so well. . .and the anxiety i felt during my subsequent HEALTHY pregnancy. . .sigh. . . i'm thrilled for you that baby too is growing as he/she should. . .hooray for you and for ben too. . .siblings are so special.
For some reason ths post brought tears to my eyes. Some good friends of mine recently lost twin boys at 20 weeks. Another friend is expecting a healthy girl after a late term loss last year at this time. Still another is going through the adoption process. When I hear about people who are just sick at the thought of having one gender or the other, I think about these friends and how for them, a healthy child is all that really matters. And I am reminded, every day, how lucky I am to have my two healthy kids.
I have to girlies and I joke with you about having a boy to carry the name. I really only want a healthy baby.
Going through what I went through in my life and especially last month. I am grateful and blessed either way. Just give me healthy baby.
Great post!!!
Going through what I went through in my life and especially last month. I am grateful and blessed either way. Just give me healthy baby.
Great post!!!
Hey A,
I know you only want a healthy baby... I have another friend pg now who I know is REALLY wanting a girl, badly... and I don't fault her either. Like I said, I get having a preference...
But I know neither one of you would go on to have an u/s, find out you were having the other sex and be completely and totally devastated despite the fact you've just been told you have a healthy baby... some people just take it to a whole other level... truly bizarre....
I know you only want a healthy baby... I have another friend pg now who I know is REALLY wanting a girl, badly... and I don't fault her either. Like I said, I get having a preference...
But I know neither one of you would go on to have an u/s, find out you were having the other sex and be completely and totally devastated despite the fact you've just been told you have a healthy baby... some people just take it to a whole other level... truly bizarre....
I think that is partly why I don't like finding out the gender. Because I don't want to ever think I could be disappointed. However, as I am nearing this due date I realize that I do want a little girl and I am really afraid that I might be disappointed for like a millisecond if the baby comes out a boy. But I also know that it would be a millisecond and that it doesn't really matter. I love my little boy and know I will love another one just as much. Plus, I am not done having kids, so there is still time for a girl.
Post a Comment
<< Home
